February 26, 2007

5 months!

Lilli-bug! You're almost a whole half a year old, I can't freaking believe it.

You're getting so big and gorgeous, with that lovely red hair, and your eyes, oh what a wonderful shade, just like your brothers. You sleep all night now and the milk is starting to not be able to hold you over. We tried a little bit of cereal on Saturdy, and pssh you've had better.

first cereal
It appears the only gene that you've gotten from me is the "nosey gene" you hold that noggin up so you can be in everyones business!

big eyes

At your last check up you weighed 11lb 11 oz! A far cry from the wee 5 lbs when you came to meet us.

I love the fact that you won't eat for your daddy as well as for me, and that you can always be comforted by the sound of my voice and the soothing touch of my hand.
blue eyes
I love you Lilli-bug!

July 14, 2006

more driving lessons 101

So I don't have time to do real open letters, instead how about some open memo's to all the the tools who made my lunch break awsome.

1-lady driving up my ass for a parking spot in which I was backing into. Yeah, you see those WHITE LIGHTS on the back of my car, white light-reverse, so move it!!!! Don't just sit there and throw your hands up in desparation, I was here first bee-yotch. Oh what's that? It looks like you're over 65, I'll have to get your information so when I take over the world, your license is REVOKED.

2-Fat dude at home depot- hey chubbers, stop sign /= to parking spot GOOOOOOOO. PS that purple color of your truck-LAME.

3-Douchebag with the really big truck, in fact so big you MUST be compensating by your miniaturereallysmallbarelyexistant penis, we are pulling up at a stoplight that is red. No need for me to haul ass, therefore no need for you to tailgate me.

Thanks and have a good day.

January 26, 2006

Public Service Announcement

I have decided that the public is again due for another one of my PSA's regarding driving. The one I wrote regarding yielding (motherf-er!) went over well, and I thought I would inflect my knowledge again.

1. Pedestrians Have The Right of Way. Yes they do, but, that may give said dumbass the right to stop while crossing the street/parking lot, but generally-not a good idea. This includes but is not limited to STOPPING TO TIE YOUR DAMN SHOE, stop-once you are already out in the middle of the damn lanes- and check for traffic, or slow down their gate enough to appear like they are walking backwards.
When you are crossing the street and a car is coming your direction MOVE OUT OF THE WAY ASSHAT!


2. DON'T PARK IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE!!!!(public parking psshhh-sshhawww)

That is all thank-you.

January 11, 2006

It's a good thing their rights were protected

This article makes me want to vomit.

If you have talked to me at all about this, you know my mixed feelings. Where does the right of the child come into play?

It's kind of the same arguement I have with second hand smoke. Yeah it is the smokers right to smoke and if they choose to do that then great for them, but when does my right to be able to choose where I want to go in public, get more important then a smokers right to choose where they want to go in public?

Obviously, there is no right answer here (for everyone at least), but maybe someday people's eyes will open and these types of challenges can be solved justly.

November 18, 2005

Open Letter to the whiney bitch in Q-Doba

Dear Whiney Bitch,

I am so sorry that we have been waiting in line for so long, but I am sure that all the sighing, and hemming and hawing you have done, have at least made the experience more enjoyable for those of us standing around you, if not sped up the wait!

Secondly, just because the guy behind the counter works in a Mexican fast-food restaurant does not mean he is Mexican and cannot understand you, one request of shredded beef tacos at the TOP OF YOUR LUNGS should be quite sufficiant, but no, just to be careful, you then used your "codescending voice" and again requested that he make sure it was SHREDDED BEEF!

What's that? oh please for the love of God worker behind the counter, shake out this womans poor black beans!! Lady look, we heard you the first 3 times when you said that you don't like your nachos to be "squishy icky and mooshey", but I think the guy is doing all he can to dry out your freaking beans, short of bringing out a centrifuge.

Oh, you want the salsa verde, but you want it to be drained? look you are confusing that poor kid behind the counter because, well, salsa verde is pretty much liquid. Yup that's right, no real solid mass in it!

What-what's that? Yeah we know, no squishy icky and mooshy tacos.

Thank goodness time to pay and get the hell out of here. Oh no, you mean we all went through that delightful trip through the food line, and got to hear your commentary on EVERYTHING, and here you forgot your Q-CARD? Damn, it really must not be your day.




PS Quit talking through your nose!

November 11, 2005

Open Letter to Adam's Nose

I did this a while back, the open letter idea I mean. Forgot about it for a while, and saw the same kind of idea somewhere else and got re-inspired. So here is my kick off open letter, to dear Adam's nose.

Dear Adam's nose,

Is it really neccessary for you to be stuffy and plugged up all the time? I mean come on give the guy a break. He hasn't been able to smell or breathe properly since-er...EVER!!

It also makes it a little hard to sleep when you start to drain in the middle of the night, thereby causing Adam to do this really loud, really annoying throat clearing thing, sounds kind of like, oh I dunno, HE'S GARGALING GLASS??

Also when you sneeze, could you not do it loud enough to wake the dead (or even baby!)

I'm really not asking much, and thanks in advance for your cooperation.